Thoughts on 36 weeks | Fort Worth Lifestyle Photographer

I had all these high expectations to post about this pregnancy a lot. Seeing as this is only the 3rd post and baby is set to arrive in the next few weeks, clearly I should have set lower expectations.

Here I am at 36 weeks. Almost to the finish line and yet still so far away. Anyone who has been pregnant before knows the end is hard. It is a real-life internal struggle to reach the finish line. Your mind is saying, “Baby needs a few more weeks to grow and get ready for their arrival.” and your body is saying, “I am done. I am done. I am done. Get this baby out of me right now!”. Your mind is saying, “Baby is safe and happy in your womb and will come when it is fully ready.” and your body is saying, “Who cares? I want my body back!” Your mind is saying, “Enjoy these last days of feeling the miracle of life move around inside you.” and your body is saying, “Please take this thing out of me so I can sleep without being kicked in the ribs constantly!” I am sure I could go on and on but you get the picture.

In some ways I feel like this pregnancy has flown by and in others it has lasted an absolute eternity. My period of morning (all day) sickness was shorter than the other two pregnancies but my bump started early and has not slowed down one bit. My energy levels have been all over the place since about 15 weeks. Some days I am a busy bee and other days I can barely function. Most days are a mix of the two. Watching the big kids get more and more excited as we get closer has been so fun but I do feel like my impatience is right there with my four-year-olds’…”Why does this take so looonngg???”

As the weeks wind down, as my workload draws near the end, as I try to finish nesting at home everything is becoming very real, very fast. We are having another baby. We. Are. Having. Another. Baby. WE ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY.

Even though this is baby #3 there is still uncertainty and fear involved. I am faced with another csection. Which means major surgery. And recovery from major surgery. While it is all I have known, there is still fear there. While we have no reason to think otherwise, there is fear about the health of baby. Until baby is here and in your arms, there are still so many things that can go wrong. The unknown is scary. Our big kids are so very excited but what about when baby comes home with us? Will the transition be smooth? Will anyone feel left out? And what about nursing? Will I have the patience to learn what this new little one prefers and the tolerance to endure the early pains in addition to surgical pains? And then there is the sleep deprivation. And the new routines. And the chaos that is inevitable. And my business! How will I balance a newborn, my family and my business? What will my business look like from now on? There are so many fears and worries that make my mind spin and try to take over.

And then I breathe. In and out. In and out. In and out.

God gave us this baby. It was not in our plan. And yet here we are awaiting a perfect little gift from God. How can I possibly question or fear or worry over any of the details? His plan is perfect. His timing is always perfect. This baby will be perfect. The details will be perfect. And with that I feel a little more at peace.

Yes, it is true that I have no idea what the next couple months will bring. I have no idea when this precious baby will arrive. I have no idea what recovery will be like or what those first few weeks at home will be like but I trust that we will survive. I trust that there will be more joy than pain. I trust that we will all adjust to a new normal. I trust that He has a perfect plan for my business too. I know that His plan is always better than my own.

Now, don’t get me wrong. After reading most of this post you are probably thinking that things are all doom and gloom over here. Yes, there are nerves and worry but let me reassure you that there is also immense excitement. I absolutely cannot wait to have another tiny human in our home. I cannot wait to breathe in that newborn smell. I cannot wait to nurse another baby. I am actually looking forward to late nights and snuggles and even tiny diapers. I have had so much fun washing tiny clothes and putting away clean swaddle blankets. And watching the excitement in our big kids is about all I can handle. I get weepy thinking about the operating room moment when the doctor says, “Congratulations, it’s a boy/girl!”. I get giddy thinking about the amazing dream team of photographers we have lined up to capture our new little one. Yes, there is fear but there is also so much excitement.

If you are still reading this after all the rambling then thank you. I just wanted to share a little of what is on my heart right now. I also wanted to thank so many of you. I am very thankful for all of my supportive clients. In the past 8 months, sessions have gone slower. Galleries have taken longer. My ability to chase toddlers has dwindled. And yet, you still support me. You still continue to stick with me. You show me grace and praise the work I do. I am very blessed and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I will leave you will some maternity images shot in the past week by two of my very talented friends. I was reluctant to take any maternity images but both women knew better and talked me into it and I am forever grateful to have captured these images that I will cherish forever.

 

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Images above by the amazingly talented, and fellow CMPro, Liz Labianca.

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Images above by the amazingly talented, and fellow CMPro, Liz Labianca.

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Images above by the amazingly talented, and fellow CMPro, Mae Burke.

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Images above are dumped from my iPhone and shouldn’t really be allowed to follow such amazing art:)